Resilience is an inside job.
The world is being flooded with not only anxiety about a contagious disease and its economic ramifications, but also waves of emotional reactions from those who are angry at the federal government’s slow response, from those who are angry at anything the government does, from those angry at media for reporting what is happening, and from those who are aware of various institutions and individuals who are dismissive regarding the seriousness of the situation. Whether valid or not, these emotional responses wear on all of us and have adverse effects globally, socially, and within our own bodies. We carry not only our own personal reactions but are also subject to collective reactions as well. These waves of emotion affect us all and there are those who are sensitive enough to be very much aware of them but may or may not recognize that some of what they feel comes from around them and not just from inside of them.
I do not suggest that we deny or dismiss the problems, our reactions, or the reactions of others but, rather, manage our responsiveness to them in healthy and constructive ways. I have some suggestions toward that end based on my stress-management seminars.
First, recognize the fact that you feel anxiety or anger, or both. What is it that bothers you the most? What are the real and imagined impacts on you, on your life, on your loved ones? What do you feel has been violated or neglected? What unmet needs are being revealed? Realize, too, that some of what we feel in times like this is a kind of existential anxiety about the vulnerability of humankind as well.
As you consider your reactions, notice how you feel inside – your mood, tension in your body, or your energy level, for example. Your body responds to your perceptions, and your thoughts, as well as to the global emotional climate. Some of this emotion you feel may not belong to you. Recognizing all this, let’s shift our attention a bit and not get stuck in the stress of the moment.
Take a moment right now to consider, in the best of times, what is it that you find most valuable? What really means the most to you? What do you deeply love? What makes your heart come alive? I’ve asked these questions of many people and find common threads of shared values that unite us, such as family, nature, faith, service, helping people discover things they didn’t know they could do, the laughter of children, music, prayer, meditation, and learning, to name only a few. We call these “core values” because they are values of the heart. This is one of the great secrets of resilience: having the mind focused at least some of the time on what truly feeds us, what strengthens the heart, and what gives us courage. You can feed this source of resilience by spending some time during each day – five minutes, 15 minutes, an hour – contemplating or engaging in these things, and strengthening the good feelings they bring by keeping your mind there as best you can. This helps our resilience, the immune system, mood, and constructive problem-solving. Note that some of our happiest memories can bring tears or an awareness of something we’ve missed or lost. But this too is valuable. It tells us there is something in those experiences that we value and, if we can shift our attention to that value, it can change the present impact of the event.
Third, as best you can, manage the stress in your body by whatever methods have been helpful to you (that don’t have adverse side effects, of course). Some of the things people have found useful are meditation, reading, exercise, prayer, walking in nature, connecting with others, yoga, to name a few. One of my favorites is called “heart-focused breathing” as taught by the HeartMath Institute. To do heart-focused breathing, we simply focus attention on the area around the heart and breathe regularly and a little more deeply than usual, imagining that the energy of our breath flows in and out through the heart. In doing this, we can enjoy an almost immediate physiological calming effect. In addition, it can be made to last longer and lift our mood by sincerely attempting to activate a positive feeling state.
Shifting our mood by turning our attention to nurturing things can be difficult in times of stress, but we all have memories of happy events, beautiful places we’ve seen or been, and feelings of compassion or care for someone or something of value. If you can do heart-focused breathing while activating a positive feeling, you become more in control of your bodily environment, your mood, and the field of influence around you. Often times, our best solutions for the challenges we face come when we are in this kind of positive physiological foundation rather than a stress-filled one. Don’t strive for perfection in this: just do what you can and remember that, if you reduce your stress level only by 5%, that’s 5% less wear and tear on you. With practice, we become more adept and it becomes easier to shift into that better state. Who knows how far you might be able to go with this? Practicing this several times a day for 5 to 15 minutes can have lasting benefits.
Again, I do not suggest that you deny or dismiss very real problems but to keep them in perspective, remembering that the values that make your heart come alive are shared by humanity and will last longer than any challenge or temporary condition. With resilience strengthened, we can take a clear-eyed look at our challenges, and formulate solutions more in line with our deepest core values that just may reduce future difficulties as well.
Not likely to remember all this? Just remember to 1) be aware of your stress so you can respond in a way that serves you, 2) spend a few moments doing deep-heart breathing and thinking of happy things – things that make your heart come alive. And 3), if you want constructive and long-term solutions, take a moment to remember your core values and to shift into the mood that they bring you so that you can balance your response with what’s in your heart as well as in your head.
And, as you wash your hands, cleanse your mind as well by thinking of happy things that you value. Where your heart is is where your treasure will be found.
Excellent. As my father, who was a great believer in resilience, used to say: “The reed that doesn’t bend in the wind will break”
Not only are viruses contagious but so are acts of kindness and laughter. So after my breathing practice, I am practicing kindness to myself and laughing 3 times a day.